DISCLAIMER: Hey paramount owns star trek and its character own how I write. NOTE: Sorry it's so long, and is so depressing for a while. It just works for my mood, I know its angst but it had to be to get my feelings out. It's a badly written thing I know. Oh well. Any comments to be sent to Queenevilsmurf@yahoo.com Or to my website WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/QUEENEVILSMURF Thanks. ===== live long and prosper (or just sit there), helen Scared: Part I "Why am I here?" He stammered through the darkness that surrounded him. "I don't know," a soft voice pronounced matter of factly next to him. He twisted to see who it was, but all he could see was a darkened shadow looming by his shoulder. "It's cold." He mumbled. "Why don't you change that Harry." The dark figure stated. "What do you mean." Harry said in return. "This is all yours. Your world, You created this." The voice said again. Harry Kim still couldn't distinguish if it was male or female, but the voice the form next to him sounded oddly familiar. Harry squared his shoulders and heaved a terrified sigh. "I'm scared." He quivered. "You should be," It said back quickly, "Your mind is going to fast Harry, your heart is pained, that is why you're here. You created this, the darkness, your fear, the cold. Harry you created this world and me. Only you can make it go away." It said consciously. Ensign Harry Kim jumped awake, terrified of the dream he just had. Normally his unconscious thoughts were of Seven of Nine, the ex Borg drone who joined the ship a few years ago. Something about it just seemed unnerving. Why was the figure there, which was it and what the hell meant: This is all yours. And when he said he was scared it told him he should be. He couldn't get it out of his head. ""Computer time" *0300 hours, Alpha shift has just completed Beta Shift reporting in now. * "Lights" Harry ordered. The florescent glow of the bulb overhead quickly flashed causing his eyes a moment to adjust. Ensign Kim threw his blanket off his torso and stumbled out of his starfleet issue bed over to his replicator. He finally got Tom to pay him back all the rations he had borrowed, and he intended to use the surplus he had stocked. "Vulcan mocha, extra sweet, hot. Really damn hot" the machine whirled the beverage into it's slot beeping with it's efficiency, as if proud of itself. He picked up his clarinet not giving a damn about being to damn loud for his neighbor, especially since that crewman was on Beta shift tonight. Harry sat down and began to play out his heart and soul. He thought back to all he had lost. His family & friends, and his beautiful Libby back on Earth after being swept to the Delta Quadrant. He lost Tal, Lindsey and numerous other women he thought he had a deep connection too, but in the end they had been ripped from his loving, emotional grasp. He thought to his most recent love that could never be returned. Seven, she was in all her cold borgness detached from him; and seemed would never be his, so he let go. Letting go of Tal was horrible. He was "sick" for days but knew he had to feel it. And when Lindsey was again taken from him he could almost feel his heart taken away with the last whir of the transporter. But all in all the worst was his Libby. He loved her so much. She was to be his forever and ever, but because of his dammed first assignments' horrid mishap in the Badlands he was where he was alone, cold, and scared on a ship full of people. All he could do was try and work it out with his clarinet. Harry played and played, letting the world float away with each perfect note he played. He played and played as tears streamed down his face, that he didn't notice. As he played he began to wonder more and more about his dream. Who it was, and what they had meant about what it had said. His heart ached, his mind went numb from busy thoughts of everything, and his breath was running slow and shallow from crying and playing. He needed sleep; he needed one of his lost loves to tell him it was okay. Harry was so into his music and minds workings that he didn't he the door chime time and time again begging the occupant of it's room to respond. "Harry?" A new voice said, as it shook him out of his daze, causing the instrument to fall with a clatter to the floor. Kim looked up to see a worried B'elanna. Lt. Torres, one of his best friends since their stint with an alien virus on a condemned planet's surfaces the day they arrived here. "Harry, I was walking by and I heard you playing. When you didn't respond I overrode our access codes, and found you just sitting, starring playing and crying. Are you okay?" She looked genuinely worried. She knew him well, and this was out of character for him. "I just miss em, you know all of em." Harry said trying to look more like his usual happy go lucky, naive fresh-out-of-the-academy young "disposable" ensign that he was. "Harry, you're just mad that Seven AGAIN told you it wasn't relevant in her own way." The usual anger filled women paused to stare deep into her best friends' eyes. "Harry she'll come around. Common let's get something to eat. You can tell me who you miss, why the hell you're up so damn late when you have the early shift, and I'll tell you what stupid thing Tom has done." He smiled and went to clean up. In the mess hall they sat talking, as the friends they were should. Harry explained everything from Libby to Lindsey. B'elanna explained Tom breaking her best field kit while trying to re-model one of his cars. They both talked and laughed and He started to feel better that was until SHE walked in. B'elanna gave a look warning to the young women as if that if she tried anything she'd need more then the doctor's companionship. Even still she walked over all the while starring at Ensign Kim. "Ensign Harry Kim, you're damaged. You eyes are releaseing more then the normal amount of water. Do you require my assistance?" "No Seven I'm fine. I was crying. I'm upset. Please just leave." "Well then, you are well enough to join me in Holodeck two for a, I think terran call it, a drink." Torres and Kim starred back in utter dumb found-ness; Seven wanted Harry to interact but not on a work relationship. "Holodeck two, you will be prompt, and I'm sure as the doctor says, It will be fun and cheer you up, as it now seems apparent you now need.. Good Day Lt. Torres." On his way back to his quarters Harry couldn't help but smile. Not only was he going to have a date with one of the ones that got away, but also the voice warning him of himself was now solved. It was Seven, she was the figure next to him, urging him to change himself, so that he will still be good old Harry Kim, but not let his emotions slowly torture him. For him to be a little Borg, and not have all of everything hurt so. B'elanna would be happy to see him better now, and he would be. Now that he had Seven. And he wasn't going to let this one get away. She was going to be his Tal, his Libby, his Lindsey, and his B'elanna to Tom. She was going to be the one that never got away. That night Harry finally got some sleep in before his shift, and when he reported to his post he had a smile on his face and the holo time of his "date" in his mind for off hours. Then he'd tell Torres, Tom'd find out from her, and maybe just maybe people would stop giving him a hard time. Harry Kim was finally getting some closure.