visit Jen's P/T page at http://www-psych.stanford.edu/~jenylee/pt.html

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek: Voyager and all the characters. 

'Perspectives'
(takes place immediately after the 4th season episode 'Scientific Method')

summary: Harry reflects on Tom and B'Elanna's relationship.  He tries to
explain it to Seven.  

************************************************************************** 

'Perspectives' by Jennifer Lee
Star Trek: Voyager, P/T, K/7 [PG]


        Ensign Harry Kim sat alone in the mess hall eating dinner. 
He poked at his pleeka rind casserole listlessly.  Ordinarily, it was
one of his favorites, but at the moment he just didn't have an
appetite for anything.  He was too busy feeling sorry for himself. 
He absentmindedly picked up his mug of coffee and held it for a
moment, reflecting on what had just happened.  Harry knew that
Tom and B'Elanna had just gotten together recently and wanted to
spend as much time as possible with each other.  He tried to think
positively about it.  It's about time they got together, he mused.  I'm
happy for the two of them, I really am.  How could I not be happy
that two of my best friends have finally found the love and
companionship that they've been looking for all their lives,
especially after having had so much unhappiness?  And that they've
found it with each other is even better.  Considering what the two
of them put me through when they first met, it's a miracle.  They
were always at each other's throats, suspicious of each other.  They
never would have gotten to be friends if I hadn't forced them to
tolerate each other for my sake.  I remember when B'Elanna used to
call Tom a pig.  Well, she still does on occasion, but only out of
affection.  She used to really mean it.  
        Harry set his coffee down without taking a sip.  His mind
was racing with all these thoughts as it tried to convince him that he
should be congratulating himself for having such an important role
in getting his two best friends together instead of feeling sorry for
himself.  It had taken those two such a long time for them to
develop a real friendship.  And now they were spending all of their
time together... and neglecting Harry.  That was the problem.  
He felt as though the strong friendship between the three of them
had changed drastically.  The dynamics of their relationships were
so different now.  In the beginning, he had told himself that nothing
would change that much, that he would still be close friends with
both Tom and B'Elanna despite their romantic involvement with
each other.  He had almost managed to convince himself that things
didn't have to change.  But now he realized that he had just been
deluding himself.  It didn't work that way.  No matter how much he
wanted to believe otherwise, he couldn't deny that things had
changed.  There was just no avoiding that.  He could no longer
expect to spend as much time with either person, as much as he
wanted to.  Tom and B'Elanna wanted to spend a lot of their free
time together, just the two of them.  Which was perfectly
understandable, but that was free time that they used to spend with
Harry.  He grimaced.  He supposed he would just have to get used
to it.  There wasn't anything he could do about that.  He was happy
for them and wanted them to be able to have quality time together. 
They deserved to be happy.  He missed them, but it wasn't as
though he wanted them to break up or anything.           
        Suddenly, he sat up, frowning, as that disturbing thought
occurred to him.  What would happen if they ever did really break
up?  They were both so volatile.  It's always potentially dangerous
when two of your best friends start going out with each other, he
mused.  When everything is fine between them, it leaves you out,
but when everything is not fine between them, you get dragged into
the middle.  You have to either mediate or take sides.  Or at least, it
feels that way.  They complain about the other to you, which is
rather uncomfortable because you don't want to be disloyal to either
person.  You want to be a good friend to both of them, but you
don't know how.  Harry recalled an incident a few months ago,
even before they had started seeing each other exclusively, when
Tom and B'Elanna had gotten into a major argument.  Both had
come to him, complaining about the other, as usual.  Of course, he
thought that Tom had been utterly tactless in telling B'Elanna that
she was "hostile," even in the heat of anger, but Harry also had to
admit that there was some truth to that accusation.  B'Elanna did
have a tendency to lose her temper, especially when dealing with
Tom.  That was partially because Tom provoked her, but Harry had
noticed that B'Elanna reacted more strongly, more defensively, to
Tom's challenges than to anyone else's.  Harry had seen the reasons
for that a long time ago.  Those two were too much alike, and they
cared about each other considerably, more than they'd cared to
admit to themselves or anyone else.  You don't fight like that with
someone you don't care about, Harry thought.  If you didn't care,
you'd get annoyed, but you'd let it go because you wouldn't care
enough about the other person to make it worth arguing about. 
But Tom and B'Elanna cared a lot about what the other thought,
and that irked them.  They didn't want to care so much, but they
did.  Harry had clearly seen all that ages ago.  But he hadn't said
anything, except for the occasional hint, for fear of getting seriously
injured.  It wasn't his place to interfere like that.  He had hoped that
they would see it too, someday, but he hadn't been able to do
anything else about it.  He wasn't there to play matchmaker.  It was
about time that they finally realized it for themselves, Harry
thought.   
        He sighed.  But what if they ever broke up? the nagging
voice continued to ask.  He shuddered.  He had a feeling that if that
ever happened, he would get dragged into it somehow.  It would be
messy, to say the least.  He didn't want to lose either of them, ever. 
But how could you be understanding and a good friend to either
person in that kind of situation?  He couldn't push the idea out of
his mind.  He kept conjuring up terrible scenarios and possibilities. 
What if they try to use me as a go-between again and try to resolve
their problems that way? he asked himself anxiously.  That happens
a lot when you're friends with both people and they start fighting. 
They use you to communicate.  Or not.  Sometimes they use you to
get back at the other one.  Which is probably the worst kind of
situation anyone could possibly be in.  And then there's the
resentment.  How could there not be resentment?  How do you stay
friends with both people without going completely crazy?  You feel
so torn...
        Harry was getting a headache from thinking about all this. 
Stop it! he chastised himself.  Think positively.  Be optimistic. 
Don't think about them breaking up.  They've been perfectly fine so
far, despite the occasional disagreement.  They seem completely
committed to each other.  They're probably going to even end up
getting married one of theses days and have lots of kids.  They'll be
happy together for the rest of their lives, he told himself, rubbing his
temples.  But what about me? a little voice inside his head cried
out.  My love life is less than spectacular, he reminded himself
despondently.  I should be worrying about myself.  Am I
destined to be alone for the rest of my life?  he despaired.  Because
it certainly feels that way.  Harry stabbed at his pleeka rind
casserole, completely discouraged.  He didn't know why he was still
sitting here thinking about it when he really should be in his
quarters sleeping instead.  He was exhausted.    
        It had been an eventful day, what with the alien scientists
using the crew as guinea pigs, the numerous casualties and injuries
that resulted from the DNA mutations, and Voyager barely
escaping through a binary pulsar.  Harry shook his head, thinking
about the experiments that the aliens had run on them.  B'Elanna
had almost died when the alveoli in her lungs had stopped
processing oxygen, a result of the aliens' manipulations.   Harry
remembered how Tom had frantically worked to save her, a
haunted, desperate look in his eyes.  And now that the crisis was
finally over...  Harry had figured that his two best friends would be
cherishing their time together.  They both had such busy schedules
that they didn't get to spend nearly as much time together as they
would like.  It was always difficult to maintain a romantic
relationship, but when both people were senior officers on a
starship like Voyager, it made it even more complicated.  He could
understand that.  But he still felt left out.  He sighed again,
replaying the scene in his mind once more...
        He knew that he really shouldn't interrupt them, but he
missed their company.  The three of them used to spend a lot of
time together.  They were all such close friends.  In fact, they were
his best friends.  And he missed them.   So he asked the computer
their location and then made his way to Tom's quarters with
resolve, grabbing the data PADD that Tom had let him borrow
earlier as an afterthought.  He arrived at Tom's door and paused a
long moment before ringing the door chime a little apprehensively. 
No answer.  Determined not to give up, he rang again.  A moment
later, the door whooshed open to reveal Tom and B'Elanna, who
were both rather dressed up and just starting on dinner.  It was a
very intimate, romantic setting, and Harry definitely felt like he was
intruding.  But all he could do was just stand there and smile
nervously.  Harry finally managed to stammer out his greetings to
the impatient pair, who were clearly not too thrilled about the
interruption.  He wagered that it wasn't the first, judging from
Tom's expression.  "Harry, I'm not home," Tom said firmly,
shooting him a glare that let him know he was treading in
dangerous territory.  Harry felt a twinge of guilt.  He lamely
finished with, "I, uh, ... I ...just wanted to return this," handing Tom
the data PADD.  Harry had just enough time to inhale the fragrant
aroma of dinner and comment on it before Tom  snatched the
PADD out of his hand with a quick "thanks," and promptly closed
the door on him.  Harry was left standing there feeling foolish.  He
stood there in shock for a moment, then shook his head in disbelief. 
He hadn't really expected Tom to actually shut the door in his face
like that, but he supposed he had deserved it, he thought ruefully. 
It had been bad judgment on his part, his own fault.  He really
shouldn't have interrupted their time together, seeing as how they
had so little of it since they were both so busy.  But he just couldn't
help it.  Part of him wished that it could be like it used to, the three
of them hanging out all the time.  But these days, when it was the
three of them, Harry always felt like the third wheel.  Maybe I
should get a girlfriend, too, then at least the four of us could
double-date, he mused.  Though he wasn't all that sure that Tom
and B'Elanna would like double-dating anymore than hanging out
with just him.  
        He also couldn't help feeling a little miffed.  I mean, after all
they've put me through, the least they could do is spend a little
more time with me, he thought self-pityingly.  He felt so neglected. 
Perhaps that was part of the reason he was so hung up on Seven. 
Not that she wasn't incredible or anything.  She was.  But Harry
was just feeling so lonely these days.  It'd be so nice to have a
companion, someone to share life's little moments with, he thought. 
Someone like Seven.  Harry sighed.  He was having a difficult time
getting through to her, though.  And he'd thought that Tom and
B'Elanna had gotten off to a rough start! he laughed sardonically to
himself, contemplating the irony of it all.   He shook his head,
remembering the advice he had received regarding the beautiful ex-
Borg.  He knew that B'Elanna disapproved of his infatuation with
Seven.  Tom had urged caution as well, seeming almost amused by
Harry's enthusiasm.  Harry knew that they were right, but he just
couldn't get her out of his mind.  She was so beautiful, so
intelligent, and he loved her subtle sense of humor.  It had been
such a long time since he had felt like this about anyone.  He had
given up on ever seeing Libby again a long time ago.  She must
have moved on by now, he often told himself.  I should do the
same.  But there hadn't really been anyone for him to move on with
until now.  He didn't want to get together with someone just for the
sake of having a girlfriend.  He wanted it to be real, genuine.  He
had been infatuated with that holodeck character Marayna, but she
wasn't exactly relationship material.  Especially since she had turned
out to be a lonely alien infatuated with Tuvok.  Aside from a
disastrous date with Jenny Delaney and various encounters with
alien women, some of which had tried to kill him, Harry hadn't gone
out with anyone since he'd been on Voyager.  Actually, this was
true of most of the senior officers on Voyager, he realized.  That
made him feel a bit better, that most everyone else that he worked
with wasn't romantically involved with anyone either.  It would
have been more unbearable if he were surrounded by happy
couples.  But that didn't seem to be the case.  Tuvok was married,
of course, but that didn't count since his wife was in the Alpha
Quadrant.  Commander Chakotay had been involved with a former
Borg woman, Riley, but that was about it.  He seemed to be more
than slightly interested in Captain Janeway, who seemed to
reciprocate but never did anything about it.  Neelix hadn't been
involved with anyone since Kes.  And even Tom and B'Elanna
hadn't gone out with anyone before they started seeing each other. 
The Doctor was the only one who seemed to be having consistent
success in the romance department, Harry realized, smiling grimly
at the irony.  The Doc's had more girlfriends than the rest of us
guys collectively, Harry thought to himself with amazement.  And
now he's even married.  With children.  That was slightly disturbing. 
Although he had never fancied himself a ladies' man as Tom had,
Harry still found it disconcerting to be outclassed by a hologram
when it came to romantic pursuits.  I have to do something to
change that, he resolved.           
        He looked up when he realized that Seven had just entered
the mess hall.  She looked gorgeous as usual.  Harry felt his spirits
rise somewhat.  Perhaps this wasn't a total loss after all, being here
in the mess hall eating by himself.  He had an excellent opportunity
to get to know her better right now.  He hadn't really talked to her
since that time... well, that time that she had told him to take his
clothes off... he recalled with embarrassment.  But that was just a
little misunderstanding, he told himself.  Wasn't it?  He hoped so. 
This was salvageable.  It had to be. 
        "Hi, Seven," he greeted her enthusiastically.  Seven
acknowledged him and sat down at the table, contemplating
Neelix's latest culinary masterpiece.  
        "I am unfamiliar with this form of nourishment," she said,
still staring at it.  
        "Pleeka rind casserole," said Harry.  "It's my favorite." 
Seven looked at him, at her plate, then back to him inquiringly,
almost skeptically.  Pleeka rind casserole wasn't all that aesthetically
pleasing.  Fortunately, for Seven, aesthetics were irrelevant.     
        "Quite a day, wasn't it," Harry said, trying to make
conversation.  Seven merely shrugged slightly in response since she
had just taken a rather large bite of the casserole.  Apparently, she
liked it too.  We're probably the only two people on this ship who
do, thought Harry, remembering Tom's complaints about it.  The
thought that they had something in common, even something as
minor as liking pleeka rind casserole, made Harry absurdly happy
for some reason.  
        He gazed at her for a silent moment, feeling somewhat
awkward as he racked his brain for something to say.  He wanted to
tell her incredible, how heroic she had been today, revealing the
aliens' plot to all them with the help of the Doctor.  But the words
stuck in his throat.  He had to be careful what he said around her;
she made him nervous, and he usually ended up sounding like an
incoherent, bumbling idiot.  Was this how Tom had felt when he
had been pursuing B'Elanna? Harry wondered.  Probably.  No
wonder he had kept putting his foot in his mouth.  Harry hadn't ever
been able to figure out why smooth-talking ladies' man Tom Paris
would always say such stupid things and act like such an idiot
around B'Elanna.  But now he understood, being in the same
situation with Seven.  He was feeling much more sympathetic now. 
Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on him, he realized guiltily. 
Not that Tom needed his sympathy anymore; he was doing just fine
with B'Elanna these days.  It was Harry who needed help.  He just
didn't know what to say to Seven.  Seven seemed so detached and
unreachable most of the time, but also vulnerable.  She still had a
difficult time socializing and didn't have many friends.  The
transition from Borg to human couldn't be easy, Harry thought.  He
tried to imagine what it would be like to go from hearing all the
voices of the Borg collective to being an individual.  It seemed
terrifying.  No wonder Seven didn't know what to do.  Harry just
wanted to reach out to her.  He could empathize.  He'd been feeling
rather lonely lately as well.  And he had a lot of friends on board,
even if he wasn't as close to them as he was to Tom and B'Elanna. 
Seven didn't really seem to have any friends.  Watching Seven,
Harry suddenly remembered a conversation that they had while
working on the Astrometrics lab.  He had asked her what she did
for fun in her free time.  She hadn't known what he meant by "fun." 
She had merely responded, "I regenerate in my alcove, I study the
Starfleet database, and I contemplate my existence."  A very lonely
existence for anyone, but especially for someone who had once
been part of the Borg collective, where you were never alone,
thought Harry.  He studied her intently, wondering what she was
thinking about.  Her expression was difficult to read.  She seemed
to want to learn about human social skills but uncomfortable with it
at the same time.  It didn't help that most people on board were
uncomfortable around her.  Including him, at times.  But Harry
hoped that they would be able to become good friends eventually.  
        "Ensign Kim, I wish to learn more about human social
customs," she stated seriously.  Harry snapped out of his reverie
and stared at her, slightly startled at this sudden request.  
        "Okay," he said at last.  "I'll do my best to help.  What
would you like to know about?"  He hoped that she wouldn't ask
him anything too embarrassing, considering that they were still in
the middle of the mess hall, within earshot of everyone should they
choose to listen to their conversation. 
        She frowned slightly, then looked back at him.  "I am
attempting to gain a better understanding of human friendships and
romantic relationships," she informed him matter-of-factly.  "Am I
correct in my assumption that you wish to pursue a friendship with
me?" 
        "Of course I'd like to be friends with you, Seven," he
reassured her.  
        "And beyond friendship?"
        "Well... I don't know," he stammered, shifting uneasily.  He
wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was headed.  What was
she trying to get at? 
        "Ensign?"  She tilted her head, still studying him intently.  
        "It's too soon to tell, Seven.  Maybe someday... in the
future," he replied cautiously.  
        "Do you find me unattractive?" she persisted.  Harry looked
taken aback.  
        "No, of course not.  I think you're very attractive."
        "Then why did you previously reject me?"
        Harry shook his head, somewhat overwhelmed.  He thought
about how best to answer that.    
        "Seven, relationships don't develop overnight," he explained
patiently.  "They take a lot of time, effort, and commitment to work
out." 
        "I see," she said slowly, looking thoughtful.  A long pause
ensued.  Harry took a few bites of his pleeka rind casserole in the
uncomfortable silence, wondering what he had gotten himself into. 
Seven continued to eat as well, still studying him.   Finally, she
asked, "Whom do you consider to be your closest friends, Ensign?" 
Harry smiled, relieved to hear an easy question at last.
        "Tom and B'Elanna are my closest friends," he told her.    
        "But Lts. Paris and Torres are romantically involved with
each other," she said, seemingly puzzled.  "I have observed that
when humans couples pair off, they spend time with each other
almost exclusively."  Harry fell silent again, trying to sort out all the
complex thoughts and emotions he was experiencing.  He was
having enough trouble figuring it out for himself; how could he
explain it to someone else?
        "Yeah, they're romantically involved with each other.  But
we're all still good friends," he said slowly, almost to himself.  He
tried to organize his jumbled thoughts so he could explain it more
coherently.  
        "What is the purpose of having friends if one has already
found a suitable companion who serves as both a romantic partner
and a friend?  It is inefficient."
        "No, it's not.  Humans function better if they have friends, a
social support network.  It makes us stronger, more connected with
each other.  Just like the Borg collective is made stronger by every
individual that it assimilates."  He wasn't really sure if that was a
good comparison to make, but fortunately she didn't question it. 
        "Lts. Paris and Torres have a strong connection with each
other.  They spend nearly all of their free time together," she
pointed out.  Like I didn't know that, Harry thought sourly to
himself.  But he pushed that thought aside.  He had to clear up a
few of her misconceptions.  
        "Just because Tom and B'Elanna are romantically involved
with each other now doesn't mean that they've stopped being
friends with me.  We've been through a lot together, and they mean
a lot to me.  I value their friendship tremendously.  And I know that
they feel the same about me, even if they haven't been showing it as
much lately.  I still spend time with both of them, individually or
together." 
        It was true, Harry realized.  Despite the recent changes, he
was secure in the knowledge that Tom and B'Elanna cared about
him and were still his friends.  He still frequently dined with them in
the mess hall, played hoverball with them, relaxed in the resort
program with them.  They still came to him for advice, or just to
talk about their problems.  They needed him.  It would take some
more time for all of them to completely adjust, but they would
manage.  That was what human relationships were all about. 
Harry's spirits rose as he thought about all this.  He felt as though a
huge burden had been lifted from his soul.  He was grateful to
Seven for making him realize it and sort things out.  
        "Intriguing.  Commander Tuvok often claims that such
human sentimentality is unnecessary, that it is possible to have
effective affiliations while remaining emotionally detached.  And
yet, humans seem to place inordinate value on emotional
attachment," Seven commented.    
        She's been spending too much time with Tuvok, Harry
realized with a twinge of annoyance.  And jealousy.  Why is it that
Tuvok always has better luck with the women I'm interested in? he
thought, scowling to himself.  First Marayna, and now Seven. 
Exactly what did they find so fascinating about Tuvok, anyway?  It
wasn't as if Tuvok were even trying to attract these beautiful
women.  He was married, with children.  Probably even had 
grandchildren by now.  Harry shook his head, trying to focus hirougttention on Seven and answer her question.     
        "Tuvok doesn't always understand how emotional
attachment enriches friendship.  Humans usually find emotional
attachment necessary for friendship."  Harry hoped that he was
getting through to her.  
        Her brow furrowed.  
        "Human relationships are highly complex.  I find that I often
do not understand the nuances and subtle aspects of such
relationships."
        "That's all right," he reassured her.  "It's not supposed to be
easy.  Human relationships are always complicated.  A lot of other
people have trouble figuring it out, too."  Like me, he silently added
to himself.  
        He was tempted to ask her to join him on the Holodeck to
observe and learn more about human interaction, maybe in the
Paxau resort program where everyone liked to hang out, but he
hesitated, fearing that she might take it the wrong way.  He just
wanted to spend some time with her, get to know her better.  He
couldn't figure her out.  She seemed to appreciate his company
when they were together, but she also kept him at a distance.  It
was as though she wanted to be with him, but didn't quite know
how.  He felt so awkward with her at times.  But maybe she really
didn't know what to do.  This dinner seemed to be going pretty well
so far.      
        What would be the best way to get through to her? he
wondered.  How do I show her that I care and that I want to be
with her without coming across as coming on too strong?  He
racked his brain, trying to come up with something.  Well, maybe I
should just try to treat her kindly as I would to anyone else, he
finally thought.  Though that was easier said than done, it still
seemed to be the best way to win her over.  He took a deep breath
and plunged in.    
        "So what are your plans for this evening, Seven?" he asked
as neutrally as he could manage.
        "Plans?" she echoed, arching an eyebrow.
        "Well, you have the evening off, right?  Did you have
anything fun planned?"
        "No, I did not," she replied matter-of-factly as she finished
her pleeka rind casserole.  She paused a moment, then asked, "Do
you have any suggestions?"
        Harry mulled that over for a moment, trying to think of the
best way to phrase his next sentence.    
        "Well...  most people relax in the Holodeck.  There's a great
resort program that's really popular," he told her.  
        "A resort program," she repeated.  He nodded patiently.  
        "Have you ever been there?" he asked, anticipating her
answer.  
        "No, I have not."  Her answer was just as he had expected.     
        "Would you like to join me on the Holodeck later?  1900
hours?"  Harry asked her nervously, uncertain as to how she'd
react.   "There should be a lot of other people there, and it's a great
place to learn more about human interaction."  Seven tilted her
head slightly, regarding him intently with piercing blue eyes, as
though she were trying to figure him out.  
        "That is acceptable," she said at last.  Relieved, Harry let
out the breath he'd been holding.  He beamed at her. 
        "Great!  It'll be fun," he said enthusiastically.  She nodded.     
        "I will meet you in Holodeck 1 at 1900 hours, Ensign," she
said in parting.  Harry nodded his assent, his eyes never leaving 
hers.  He could swear that she had a hint of a smile on her face.  He 
left the mess hall grinning from ear-to-ear, happier than he had been 
in a long time.  There was hope for him yet. 

~the end~