"Death, Friendship, & Tomorrow"

by Tammy Mueller


Dedicated to Jeremy DeNeal, Katy Orf, Erica Brussel, Joseph Grosberg,
Michelle Yoder, Jenny Sprague, Eric Laufersweiler, and everyone else
whose lives are cut from this world too short.




     Harry walked out of the Mess Hall, his head hung low as he tried
his best to control his breathing.  Seven had noticed him walk out during
the memorial ceremony.  A few others had as well but they knew better
than to follow.  Seven, however, did not.  

     "Ensign Kim." called Seven as she tried to catch up with him.  He
did not respond and kept walking.  "Ensign Kim." she tried yet again.  This
time she was successful.  He stopped.  When she closed the distance
between them, she began her inquiry.  "Ensign Kim, the memorial
ceremony has not yet concluded.  Why have you left?"  He did not answer. 
"The Doctor informed me that humans like to attend the memorial
ceremonies of their loved ones or those who they shared a close affiliation
with in order to.... `say goodbye' to the deceased.  Do you not wish to do
this?"
     He was silent as he stood in the middle of the corridor trying to
compose himself.  After a moment he raised his head and spoke.  "Carrie
has served this ship since we first got stuck in the Delta Quadrant.  It was
hard for her at first, trying to abide by the Star Fleet rules & regulations. 
But after a while she settled in, just like the rest of the Maquis.  She was a
very nice person.  She was really talented too.  She's gotten us out of some
serious situations in the past, even saved my life once before.  And now
she's gone."
     Seven turned her attention to the corridor wall where Harry had
been focusing his attention to this whole time.  She did not understand why
he wouldn't make eye-contact with her while he spoke.  He didn't have
much of a problem doing it before.  Maybe there was something interesting
about the wall.  But she would ignore this for now.  "Ensign Kim, I do not
understand why you appear so sad.  Although Crewman Tyler is dead, our
lives will continue.  She `gave her life serving us' as Captain Janeway
stated.  Does this not comfort you?"
     "Of course it does." Harry said now looking into her eyes.  Even
through the redness of his eyes, she could tell he was angry as well as
annoyed.  "She just shouldn't have died."
     "But she did.  There is nothing you can do to change that."
     "You're right, I can't.  But that doesn't mean I shouldn't grieve." he
said, his annoyance and anger clearly showing now as he tried desperately
to hold back his tears.
     "I still do not see why you are showing such remorse for Crewman
Tyler's death.  Her death was an accident and nothing you or anyone else
could have done would have prevented it."
     "I know that.  It just wasn't her time to go."
     "I am uncertain as to what you mean." Seven said furrowing her
eyebrows.
     Harry took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and swallowed hard. 
This was really driving his patients.  All he wanted to do was go back to his
quarters and cry in peace.  "It wasn't Carrie's time to die.  She didn't live as
long as she should have."  Harry could see that this only puzzled Seven
further.  He tried yet again.  "The way I see it, everyone lives their life
differently.  Some people become murderers and kill others.  They put their
life at risk because they'll be hunted down for their crimes.  People will
want them dead and if that murderer is killed, then it would be their time to
die.  They would have brought it upon themselves.  But if someone lived
their whole life being nice and gentle and caring to everyone, not ever
doing anything wrong and then they're murdered, say, for no reason at all,
it wouldn't be their time.  They wouldn't have deserved it.  And Carrie
didn't deserve to die this soon." Harry said, trying desperately to blink a
tear away.
     "But Crewman Tyler was a Maquis and she killed many
Cardassians.  She was a murderer.  Would she not fit the first category?"
     "That was different!" Harry shouted.  He regretted yelling at Seven
that way but he did not apologize.  He simply decided to try to make her
understand better.  "That was in her past.  And if a group of Cardassians
came and killed her, then, yes, she would have brought that upon herself. 
But she didn't deserve to die because of a faulty piece of equipment.  She
served this ship, risked her life for us, changed her life around for the
better.  And then she was killed because of one faulty piece of equipment." 
Seven seemed to be getting his point.  "It wasn't her time.  She could have
lived for many more years.  She could have....  She could have done a lot
of things.  And now she can't." he said as he wiped a tear away.
     "I see your reasoning, Ensign, however I still do not understand
why you have left her memorial ceremony before it's conclusion.  If she
was your friend, do you not wish to see it completed?"
     Harry looked down at the floor, away from Seven, trying to
compose himself yet again.  He finally looked up at Seven, his red eyes
becoming puffy now as the tears in his eyes became too great.  "I'm going
back to my quarters." he said as he wiped more tears from his cheeks as he
turned around leaving Seven alone in the corridor to listen to his sniffles
until he reached the turbolift and entered.  
     Seven stood in the same spot for close to a minute trying to figure
out why Harry was taking this so hard.  She had seen him loose other
friends before but he had never acted this way.  He had always stayed for
the whole funeral, said some words about the deceased, then mourned
accordingly.  A few months later, he would be back to normal.  But this
time it was different.  To her knowledge, Harry was no closer to Crewman
Tyler than he was his other friends and crewmates who had died before
this.  She did not understand why Harry was grieving this much.  All she
knew was that she wanted him to feel better again.  She disliked seeing him
in pain.  Not only that, but it corrupted his work efficiency.  She had grown
to accept and somewhat like his need to converse during their work
together, but this was different.  This was neither pleasant or productive. 
Seven didn't know how to help Harry with this.  She only knew that she
wanted to.  
     Before Seven could think any further, a few people passed her in
the corridor.  Some were crying, some were comforting others.  Then she
was startled by a hand being placed on her shoulder.  Seven turned to see
that it belonged to Captain Janeway.  "Seven, are you alright?"
     "Yes, Captain, I am fine.  I am, however, confused."
     "Confused about what, exactly?" said the captain as she dropped
her arm back to her side.
     "I am unsure as to why Ensign Kim seems to grieve Crewman
Tyler's death even more than he has others' in the past.  He had been closer
to some of the other crewmen, such as Ensign Harkly, yet he seems to
grieve for Crewman Tyler more greatly than him."
     The captain thought about this for a moment.  Although Seven and
the captain had had disputes in the past, Seven thought of Captain Janeway
as a mentor.  She thought the same of Tuvok also.  And while she thought
of Tuvok as a much better mentor than Captain Janeway, she was
confident that the captain could answer this question.  "Well, I wish I could
help you, Seven." came her answer.  Seven's response was another
furrowing of her eyebrows.  She was now completely lost.  Captain
Janeway saw her confusion, however, and began to elaborate.  "Seven, I
think that it's best to leave Harry's grieving to Harry.  Every death on
Voyager is a sad one and every crew member takes it differently.  I think
it's best to just leave Harry alone for right now.  I know Harry.  If he wants
you or anyone else to help him, he'll ask." she said with a warm smile.  "It'll
be okay." she offered as she left and headed for the turbolift.
     Seven stood there in the corridor for another minute or so
contemplating everything that had just transpired, then left for Cargo Bay
2.  She had no further work to complete so she would take this time to
regenerate in her alcove.

     The next day, Seven was doing a maintenance check in the
Astrometrics Lab when Ensign Kim walked in.  He was quiet and seemed
distracted and unfocused as he walked over to the main council and began
to input various commands causing the view screen to change and
transform into a view of a star system.  
     "Good morning, Ensign." Seven said.
     "Oh.  `Morning, Seven." came Harry's weary response.  Seven
could tell he hadn't slept much last night.  His eyes were a bit red and
bloodshot and the skin around his eyes was larger and seemed more
inflated than before.  This was most likely from his grievance over
Crewman Tyler's death.  
     "It is my understanding that you were not assigned to work here
today.  May I be of assistance?"  
     "No, I'm fine.  Tom just wanted to know if there were any M-class
planets nearby.  He's hoping to have the Captain stop off at one for
shore-leave soon."
     "I see.  Are there?"
     "Are there what?"  Harry was very distracted, even more than she
had originally observed. 
     "Are there any M-class planets nearby?"
     "Oh.  Yes, there are."  A brief silence ensued as Harry downloaded
data into a padd.  Seven observed him closely.  "See you later, Seven."
Harry said as he began to leave.
     "Ensign, wait." said Seven.  Harry turned back around.  "How are
you feeling today?" Seven asked, a bit of concern in her voice.  She didn't
need Harry to answer.  She could see for herself that Harry was feeling
miserable but she found that asking was an effective way to get someone to
open up and talk about an issue.  She believed that Harry needed to do
this....but Seven was also curious as to why Harry was taking this death
worse than the others.
     Harry looked up at Seven.  "I'm fine." he said as he turned around
to leave.
     "Ensign Kim, you are not fine.  Why are you attempting to deceive
me?"
     Harry paused for a moment before turning back around and glaring
at Seven so harshly that it gave her a very strange sensation of a chill
traveling down her spine.  Then Harry said something that Seven never
expected him to say.  "Who the hell are you to tell me how I feel?  You
think you know how I feel?  You don't!  I don't need your help telling me
how I feel!  Just leave me alone and mind your own business!"  And with
that he stormed out of the lab leaving Seven in shock.

     "Hey, Harry." Tom said after Harry had gotten his food from
Neelix and sat down at his table.
     "Hi, Tom.  I scanned the nearest star system and I found an M-class
planet." said Harry as he handed Tom his padd and stared at his plate of
food.
     "You didn't have to do this now, Harry.  But thank you." Tom said
kindly.
     "No problem." Harry said as he moved the food on his plate
around.  Tom watched him.
     "You're either not hungry or Neelix's food is starting to get really
bad." Tom finally said.
     "I just haven't had much of an appetite lately."
     "That's understandable.  And I just want you to know how sorry I
am, Harry.  I know that you and Carrie were close."
     "Not as close as you think, Tom."
     "What do you mean?"
     "What I mean is that all those rumors about Carrie and I being a
couple....they weren't true." Harry confessed.
     "They weren't?"  Harry shook his head.  "But you two were
spending an awful lot of time together, you have to admit.  I even saw her
coming out of your quarters one evening."
     "About three weeks ago, she asked me to teach her how to play the
clarinet.  I was giving her lessons."  Tom seemed very surprised by this.
     "You were?"
     "Yes.  I'd only been teaching her for a little under two weeks but
she was very talented.  We would talk a lot too.  She was just starting to
tell me about her family, about her brothers and her childhood....  Guess I'll
won't be hearing any more of those stories again."
     "Gosh, Harry.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know."
     "It's okay."
     "Harry, if it was okay, you wouldn't be this depressed."
     "I'm depressed, Tom, because I'm sick and tired-"  He noticed that
his voice was too loud.  The last thing he wanted now was to draw more
attention to himself.  "I'm sick and tired of watching the people around me
die.  Who knows who will be next?  It could be you or B'Elanna or the
captain....someone who I'm even closer to."
     "Harry.  You knew the risks....we all new the risks when we got
into this.  Whether we went through the Academy or were just given a field
commission, we all knew the risks when we put on these uniforms.  That
might sound insensitive but it's the truth....and you know it."  Harry
absorbed his friend's words.  
     "You're right, Tom."
     "Look, I know how you feel.  I think the same thing myself
sometimes.  What if I die tomorrow?  What if you die tomorrow?  What
would I do then?  And do you know the answer I keep coming up with?"
     "What?" Harry asked.
     "I don't know.  I'll have to wait until tomorrow and see what
happens.  I may not like what tomorrow holds but what if I do?  We don't
know the future, Harry.  And if we spent our whole lives worrying about
tomorrow, we'd never do anything today.  Try not to worry about it too
much, okay?"
     "I'll try." Harry said as he sat and looked at his plate again.
     "Is something else bothering you?" asked Tom after a minute of
observing Harry.
     "No.  Yes.  Earlier today, Seven asked me how I was doing.  I
didn't want to explain my feelings to her so I told her I was fine.  But when
she confronted me and told me that I was not fine, something just snapped
and I exploded at her."
     "And now you regret it?"  Harry nodded.  "Hm.  Why don't you just
apologize?  I'm sure she'll understand."
     "Maybe, but she'll most likely want to ask me more questions."
     "More questions?"
     "Yesterday, after I left the memorial ceremony, Seven followed me
and began to question me about why I left, why I felt the way I did, stuff
like that."
     "That sounds like something Seven would do.  But you do
understand that Seven was just trying to learn?  She was probably just
curious.  I'm sure she didn't mean to intentionally annoy you or make you
mad."
     "I know.  I just wish that she knew how to be considerate."
     "Maybe you should tell her this.  After all, if someone doesn't tell
her these things, she may never change."
     "Maybe.  But after what I said, she probably won't want to listen to
my suggestions."
     "What exactly did you say to her, Harry?"
     "I don't recall every word but I basically told her to leave me alone
and that I didn't need her help with anything anymore."
     "If I were you, Harry, I'd just apologize."  Harry thought about this. 
He wanted to keep his friendship with Seven but he just didn't want her to
question him any more about this subject....and he knew she would.  But
he'd rather risk being questioned than to let a good friendship like this die. 
After all, too many things around him were dying.  
     "Again, you're right."  Tom grinned.  "I'll talk to Seven after my
shift is over."
     "That's the spirit." Tom said as he patted Harry on the back.  The
both stood up and left for the Bridge.

     Seven had been working in Astrometrics all day.  She had just
finished her maintenance check and was about to leave when Ensign Jenny
Delaney came in.  
     "Hey, Seven." she greeted.
     "Good day, Ensign.  May I help you?" she kindly asked.
     "No.  I was just looking for Harry.  I thought he'd be on duty here."
     "He is not.  His only duty assignment today was at Operations on
the Bridge.  His shift should be almost complete by now."
     "Oh."
     "Did you require Ensign Kim's assistance?" Seven asked.  
     "Not really....  I just wanted him to know how sorry I was about
Carrie's death."  There was a bit of playfulness in her voice.  Seven raised
her eyebrow at this.  "They were going out, you know."
     "Going out?"  Seven was not familiar with this term.
     "They were a couple.  They'd been dating for about three weeks
now.  You didn't know?"
     "I did not."
     "I thought you and Harry were close friends.  I'm surprised he didn't
at least mention it to you."  Seven thought about this.  Was this why
Ensign Kim was so upset about Carrie's death?  Why didn't he tell her
about his relationship with her?  Did he no longer consider Seven a friend? 
"Well, I guess I'll talk to Harry later.  Bye, Seven!" Jenny said as she
exited.
     Seven needed to think about this.  She valued her friendship with
Ensign Kim very much.  He was the only one on the ship who really
understood her.  He had always tried to help her.  He even put up with
Seven's constant questioning of everything.  Seven couldn't imagine her life
on Voyager without him being there for her.  She knew that if she ever had
a problem or a question about anything, she could ask Harry.  Sure she
could ask Captain Janeway but she treated Seven like a child sometimes. 
And Lieutenant Commander Tuvok was Vulcan.  Harry always gave a
Human response.  She valued his answers and opinions greatly.  The
possibility that that could be gone now scared her.  She needed to get back
to her cargo bay.  She felt safe there.

     After Harry's Bridge duty was over, he went to go apologize to
Seven.
     "Computer: locate Seven of Nine."
     "Seven of Nine is located in Cargo Bay Two." it responded.  Harry
headed for the turbolift, then Cargo Bay Two.  When he entered, he
cautiously looked around for Seven.  He really felt bad about yelling at her. 
He'd thought about what he'd say to her during his whole shift at Ops. but
he still didn't know exactly what to say.  
     Soon enough, he spotted her.  She was regenerating in her alcove. 
Harry wondered if he should interrupt her or not.  But he figured that if he
didn't apologize now, he'd just feel guilty even longer.  He walked over to
Seven's alcove and stood in front of her.
     "Seven?"  She did not respond.  "Seven?" he tried again.  This time
Seven opened her eyes and looked down at Harry.  She stepped out of her
alcove and came down to the floor.
     "Ensign Kim." she stated.  She was afraid to talk to him now.  Was
he here to yell at her more?  Was he here to terminate their friendship?  She
was very worried.  But she kept her composure.
     "Seven, there's something I need to say." he began.  
     This was it, Seven thought.  She couldn't bear to hear the words. 
She decided to take matters into her own hands.
     "Ensign Kim, I believe I know what you are going to say and while
I do not agree with your decision, if you do wish to terminate our
relationship, I will understand."
     "What?"  Harry had no idea what she was talking about.  
     "I have recently learned that you and Crewman Tyler were....dating. 
You did not inform me of this.  I assumed that..."
     "Wait, what?"  How did Seven find out about that?  Seven usually
didn't hear any of the rumors, much less believe them.  "Seven, that's not
true."
     "Ensign, I assure you that if you did inform me of your relationship
with Crewman Tyler, I would remember."
     "No, Seven.  It's not true that Carrie and I had a relationship!  At
least not the kind that you're talking about.  That was just a rumor.  It
wasn't true."
     Seven was speachless now.  She stared inquisitively at Harry
waiting for him to explain why he had come to see her.
     "You thought that I came here to end our friendship?"  Seven
nodded.  Harry couldn't believe this.  "Seven, I came here to apologize to
you.  Earlier today when I yelled at you....  I know that you were just
trying to help me, trying to figure out why I was so depressed.  You didn't
deserve to be yelled at like that.  I'm very sorry.  I didn't mean what I said." 
Harry looked at Seven waiting for her response.
     "So you wish for us to remain friends?" she asked hopefully.  Harry
smiled.  
     "Yes, I do.  I don't ever want to stoduining your friend, Seven." he
said reassuring her.  "But, if something like this ever happens again....I'd
just really appreciate it if you gave me some space and maybe didn't ask me
so many questions....at least not right away."
     "I will attempt to be more considerate in the future."  Harry smiled.
     "Thank you."  He and Seven stared into each other's eyes.  "So, do
you accept my apology?" Harry asked breaking the silence.
     "I do."  Harry smiled even more.
     "So, who told you that Carrie and I were going out?" asked Harry
as he and Seven started to take a stroll around the cargo bay.  
     "Ensign Jenny Delaney."
     "Jenny?"  This was all starting to make sense to him now.  "Don't
listen to her.  She's one of the biggest gossips on Voyager next to Neelix
and the Doctor."
     "I will keep that in mind."  Harry couldn't stop smiling.  "Ensign,"
     "Yeah?"
     "When I thought that you no longer wished remain friends, I
became apprehensive."
     "Apprehensive?" Harry repeated in disbelief.  He remembered when
she'd used that word to describe him.  He would never forget that day.  He
learned so much about Seven then.  He never thought that he'd hear Seven
use that word to describe herself.
     "Ensign, I have not told you this, but I value you very much.  You
have helped me many times.  The thought of no longer being able to talk
with you makes me very....unhappy." Seven finally admitted.  Harry
stopped walking and took Seven's hand.  This act surprised Seven....but
she rather liked it.  Harry could almost hug her but he wouldn't.  She might
get the wrong idea.
     "I feel the same way, Seven.  I don't know what I'd do if I lost
you."
     "Would you react in the same manner as you did for Crewman
Tyler?" she asked.  Harry thought about this.
     "No, I wouldn't.  It would be a whole lot worse than that."
     "Ensign, you do not appear as sad about Crewman Tyler's death as
you did earlier today."  Seven had half expected Harry to yell at her again
but to her surprise, he just smiled.
     "No, I guess I'm not.  I still miss her and I'm sad that she'd
gone....but I've just realized something."
     "What is that?"
     "How many wonderful things I still have in my life." he said looking
at Seven.  Harry had found a new sense of hope.  Looking at Seven, seeing
the difference he'd made in her life made him think about everything else in
his life that could change.  Whole new worlds of possibility were opened
up before him.  "Thank you, Seven."
     "I fail to see what I have done."
     "You've helped me." he said as he smiled at her once again.
     "Your welcome." she replied.  She was very happy that she had
helped Harry, though she did not see how.  She smiled at him as she
squeezed his hand a little harder.  Harry squeezed back as he began
walking again.  This was the happiest he'd been all week.  Then another
possibility occured to him.  But he was happy just being her friend for now. 
Though, if their relationship was to grow in the future, he wouldn't mind. 
He would happily wait for tomorrow and see what was to happen.


THE END