Title: “Giving it Everything He’s Got” Author: Rob Vrablik Archive: ASC, RIF, others by permission only. Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters, and part of me would like to disclaim the rest. I sure as heck am not making any money doing this. Author’s note: I can't believe I let myself write this farce. It is juvenile, a regression to teenage idiocy, but was far too much fun to pass up. If you are expecting more, don't read it. Resulted from a warped thought spawned by various people’s speculation regarding the Queen of the Borg’s comment to Harry that she will “see him soon” in the sixth season closer. - - - - Harry Kim, Casanova of the Delta Quadrant, strode into the queen’s central chamber. His shipmates were trapped by the borg, and only he remained between them and their ultimate fate. There was only one way to save them, and he was the man for the job. The queen of the Borg considered him unworthy of her attention, and ignored him. He picked up a leg, turned it over, and slowly brushed his finger down the arch of the foot. The queen’s spine twitched in the air. He knew he now had her attention. Her eyes turned to him. “Maybe you are worthy of assimilation, but of another sort.” As she pulled herself together, the leg was removed from Harry’s hand. When reassembled, she stretched in anticipation, and strode toward him. “Remember, Harry, resistance is futile.” Harry knew this would be to the finish, and he was ready. Or so he thought. A huge tube shot out, wrapped itself around him, and began to draw him toward the queen. ”Now, about your attire…” Harry threw himself into his task as he knew he must, giving his all to save his crewmates. - - - Around the Borg collective, normal routine came to a crashing halt. In sixty-eight unimatrixes, drones began ripping assemblies off each other. Seventy ship crews came to attention, rigid, unable to move. For forty-two others, the standard Borg greeting became “Prepare to be assimilated. Feigning resistance will simply excite us even more.” And one ship of potential victims was saved when the cube that had captured them decided that it didn’t want to go through with assimilation, it just wanted to cuddle. Thirteen hundred drones deactivated themselves from embarrassment when they released their assimilation tubules far to early, spilling nanoprobes on the floor. One tactical sphere crashed into a planet when a sudden fascination with a pair of prominent mountain peaks distracted them from their orbital navigational functions. Another lost its entire complement of drones to decompression when attempts to put the top of the ship down to cruise for chicks took a fatal turn. Borg ship constructors altered the standard ‘sphere’ design into the ‘ball’, and began a frantic design process to create a new ship configuration: the ‘rod’. Progress on the design came to a halt when heated debates ensued as to how long and wide the standard rod should be. Members of the faction advocating maneuverability instead of size as the most important design aspect were deactivated. One difficult species ceased resistance and requested assimilation en mass when a new borg experimental ‘enhancement’ assembly was revealed. Elsewhere, thirty ships suddenly headed for the nearest planet in a desperate search for a banana. Another twenty crews beamed down to planet surfaces searching for caves. The stress was beginning to take its toll. Drones all over the collective were falling right and left as various assemblies exploded in brilliant, ecstatic displays of fireworks. Two cubes were obliterated as they crashed together in a vain attempt at mutual fulfillment. Five unimatrixes tried to preserve themselves by using an assimilated technology called the “V chip”, but the resulting boredom so sapped their will to exist that they faded into deactivation without even a whimper. Fifty spheres started to spin, accelerated, and exploded in self-immolation, their crews universally screaming “Wheeeee!” Another sixteen thousand drones began making noises like a stressed chipmunk. As one, the entire collective froze, stiffened, and collapsed, spasming. This continued for a few moments, slowed, and then released the drones into twitching heaps on the floor. Half the collective rolled over and began to regenerate. The other half pulled a smoke out of their thoracic assemblies, lit it, took a deep draw, and slowly blew it out in a long relaxing breath. The voyager crew, unattended by guards, took the opportunity presented to them, regained their ship, recovered Harry, and escaped. - - - - As they walked down the corridor, Seven of Nine congratulated the newly promoted Lieutenant Kim. “How did you succeed in incapacitating the entire collective? The Captain has put the report under a security seal. The crew is grateful for their rescue, but is curious about how you accomplished the task. And during your promotion, what did the Captain mean by ‘Utilizing your substantial endowments to the benefit of your crew mates’?” Harry just smiled. “Maybe I'll show you sometime, Seven…”