This story is the first in a 4 part arc ending to my " little moments " series. As we
all know, TPTB decided to go with the C/7 relationship at the ending of
Voyager, and that just doesn't sit well with me. If there were no Janeway or
Harry Kim, then maybe it would have been ok. They decided to smack the
K/7'ers and J/C'ers in the face.....So I'm going to fix it in my own little world by
making some changes and tweaking it. Because after all, the series is over now.
We, the fans, have the last word ( for now, anyway ) ! Ha ha haaaaaaa !!!! ( I've
added spoiler space for those in countries outside of the US who may not have
seen season seven, or the series finally and do not want to be spoiled. ) 

Title : Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back
Pairing : K/7 & C/7 ( implied )
Rating : G
References : " The Void, " " Work Force pts. 1&2 , " " Human Error, " and a
couple of fanfics of mine in the ' little moments ' series : " Anniversary pts.
1,2,&3 , " and " Shades Of Grey pt. 2 : Under The Mistletoe "
Archiving: Yes please :) , but please ask.
Summary : Harry wonders about Seven's dance with humanity and Seven gets
nervous.
Feedback : yes please :)
Disclaimer 1 : It's Paramount and Viacom's toys. I'm just playing with them, and
I'll put them back when I'm done. 
Disclaimer 2 : I did not write, nor do I take credit for the song " Nobody Wants
To Be Lonely. " That is sung by Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilara, and all of the
credits go to them and the writers of the song.

" Two Steps Forward, Two Steps back "

     ' Nobody wants to be lonely. Nobody wants to cry. My body is longing to
hold you. So bad it hurts inside. Time is precious and it's slipping away, and I've
ben waiting for you all of my life. Nobody wants to be lonely. So why, why don't
you let me love you ? '

     Something definitely was up with Seven of Nine. Things had been going well
with their developing friendship over the past couple of months. At least, Harry
thought they'd been going well. Things had changed since they'd shared that
incredible kiss under the mistletoe at Christmastime. It was true that they were
still considered friends, but something had changed. He had been more confident
with her, more flirty, and she had been receptive. ' Well, receptive in her own
way, ' Harry thought, sipping at his tea, as he stared out of the window in his
quarters. She had even cooked for him in the messhall one night as a friendly '
date. ' He chuckled at the memory. He had been teasing her about not being
invited to the she had prepared for the Captian, Chakotay, Tom, and B'Elanna
before Voyager had been sucked into the Void. Finally, she had requested his
presence in the messhall one evening after his duty shift, and when he'd arrived, a
table for two had been set up. She had co
oked dinner for him.
    Harry shook his head. it hadn't been overtly romantic, just a sweet gesture
form a friend.  But they had taken steps, even if they were baby steps. The
evening did end with a kiss on the cheek from Seven. However, when Harry
inquired, she had explained that ' friends often excersized in this practice after an
evening together. ' Harry chuckled again at the thought. Though she had tried to
play the gesture down, he'd rather enjoyed how pink the tips of her ears had
gotten.
     But it was different now. Harry placed his empty tea cup on the table and
began to pace about his quarters. Seven could be like a faucet turning from hot to
cold instantly. Things began to change after the entire crew had been kidnapped
and brainwashed. After they'd escaped, and after life on Voyager had begun to
return to normal, Harry had seen the shift in Seven's demeanor. One moment she
was receptive to his subtle flirting, the next she was all business, friendly in her
own way, but deviod of romantic overatures. Harry hadn't known what to think,
and became somewhat frustrated. The volley had become tiresome. Partly, he'd
scolded himself for becomming impatient. Regaining her humanity had been a
continuing process. Sometimes hard, sometimes not. But he'd let the frustration
take over. So, he had finally stopped flirting, and just pledged his friendship. He;d
tossed the ball into her court and waited for its return. He was still waiting. 
    " It must have bounced off the court, " he mumbled as he recanted his
thoughts. 
     Then a few weeks prior, she'd made a pivital stop into engineering to give
B'Elanna a late baby shower gift. Mostly, he'd just stood in the corner, jaw agape,
as she asked B'Elanna about her hair styling techniques. Since when did Seven
want to change her hair ? Any other crew member having the conversation with
the fiery engineer would've been trivial. He wouldn't have thought or paid much
attention at all. But Seven ? Something was definitely up. After the shock had
worn away, he'd been happy and encouraging. Apparently Seven had been taking
broader steps in her humanity, and he's become hopeful again. 
     And then, as soon as it had begun, it stopped. Cold. It stopped cold. He'd
tried to piece together a line of reasoning, but nothing came to mind. It was as if
the old Seven had taken over. The Seven who'd been inpersonal and absorbed in
work matters only. Harry had tried casually to speak with her while working
together, but to no avail. She shot him down everytime. It seemed everytime she
took two steps forward in her humanity, something would happen, and she would
take two steps back. Yes, something was deffinatley up, and Harry was
determined to find out what it was.

    ' There you are in a darkened room, and you're all alone, looking out the
window. Your heart is cold and lost the will to love. Like a broken arrow. Here I
stand in the shadows. Come to me, come to me.....'
 
    Harry watched Seven in the messhall. She sat alone. Her attention on a data
padd, she barely looked up at anyone or around the room. Then again, it was late
in the evening, and other than a small handful of people, it was empty. He
resolved to go over to her. He wouldn't pry, he would just be her friend. She did
look up as Harry approached her table.
    " Ensign, " she greeted formally.
    " Want some company ? "
    Seven weighed the question in a fraction of a second. As Tom Paris would
say, it was a ' loaded question.' Not trusting herself to answer, she nodded instead
and kept her expression open as Harry took the seat opposite her.
    They ate quietly for several minutes. Harry couldn't think of a thing to say.
Although there was comfort in their quiet, he wanted to open her up. Though she
hid whatever it was that was bugging her well, Harry could see something in her
eyes that wanted more. 
    " Is everything ok, Seven, " he asked softly, in between sips of his soup.
    She raised an eyebrow. Another loaded question. Carefully, she answered, "
Things are well. Have I given the impression that they are not ? "
    Harry squelched the urge to say yes, " I was just wondering how things were.
We've all been working so hard lately, I haven't had the chance to find out what's
been going on. "
    " Nothing. "
    " Nothing ? "
    " Nothing has been ' going on. ' " 
    He sipped at his soup again. It was subtle, but she was deffensive. He decided
to try a different tactic, " You know, this soup is good, but I can't get those
truffles out of my mind. "
    Amusement flashed briefly in her eyes, but was quickly replaced by her normal,
passive expression, " Ensign ? "
    " Those truffles you made. They were really great. And because you went to
all the trouble to cook for me, I thought I'd return the favor. "
    " Return the favor ? "
    " I thought I'd cook for you. Don't worry, I won't poison you, " he smiled, "
What do you say ? "
    It was a tempting offer. But it deterred from her work. It would be a
distraction. She couldn't afford to care. So she didn't look into his eyes when she
answered him, " No. "
    Though he was used to her turning him down, it caught him by suprise
nonetheless, " No ? Why not ? "
    " I'm busy, " she replied, scanning her data padd.
    " You're not turning me down for some reason I don't know about ; are you ?
"
    " Explain. "
    " Last time you turned me down it was because of Tal. I'm just curious as to
why you're turning me down now. "
    Seven bristled. Harry mentally kicked himself. He wasn't trying to be overtly
argumentative, but he was trying to elicit a response from her. Something less
Borg and more human. 
    " I've already told you, Ensign, I am busy. " She didn't look into his eyes. It
would be easier that way.
    " Ok, " he decided to stop pushing, " fine. I get the hint. "
    " You're angry. "
    " I'm not angry. "
    " Then what are you ? "
    " Frustrated, " he said simply and calmly.
    " Why ? "
    The cold look in her eyes, something about the air of her attitude, Harry wasn't
sure. But weeks, months, years of pent up frustration finally emerged, " Because
I'm tired of your mixed messages. on one hand, you're cooking dinner for me and
receptive to my friendship. On the other, you're turning me down and acting like
I'm a disease. Want to tell me what's going on ? "
    " No. "
    Harry laughed ruefully, " Ok. You don't have to, " he had finished his soup and
was now piling the remainders of his meal onto his tray for disposal, " and I'm not
mad, " ' not really, ' he thought, " if you want to talk, you know where to find me.
"
    Seven barely looked up at him. Captain Janeway always made the same
statement when she knew Seven was holding something back. And like the
Captian, though he wanted to understand her attitude, he would not push her. He
would wait for her to come to him, in her own time. But she couldn't do that.
Stepping forward would be admitting to her malfunction, her imperfection. She
could die of she allowed her emotions to get out of hand. Harry was dangerous
to her. If she allowed herself to care too much, her cordical node would shut
down. 
    Harry bid his goodnight and left the messhall. Seven tried to push him from her
mind. There was a small part of her that wished to tell him of her dilema. A small
part of her that prompted her to get up and go find Harry. Yet she would not.
His tendency to care for her, to go out of his way to help, would be too much for
her to bear. Instead, she erased him from her mind and concentrated on her data
padd. She was already starting to get a headache.

    ' Can you hear my voice ? Do you hear my song ? It's a serenade, so your heart
can find me. And suddenly you're flying down the stairs, into my arms, baby.
Before I start going crazy, run to me. Run to me, cause' I'm dying.....'

    " Regeneration cycle incomplete, " the computer droned.
    Seven had experienced a disturbing dream. She'd broken her regeneration
cycle in fear that her dream would elicit a strong emotion. An emotion strong
enough to kill her. In her dream, Harry and Chakotay had been unintentionally
competing for her attentions. She only remembered bits and pieces, but at one
point, Harry had been on one side, and Chakotay on the other, each professing
their feelings. Each asking her to join them. Harry representing her longing, her
desire, and Chakotay her piece of mind. Her safety. 
    She took a deep breath an analyzed the part of the dream that was vivid, and
she realized that her feelings for Harry could kill her if she allowed them to
progress. He was dangerous. Her stirrings for Chakotay would not. They were
subtle and soft. Something familiar, something safe. For the time being, she
resolved, she would stay clear of both of them unless duty brought them
together. Or until she could find a way to ignore her feelings completely. 

    ' Nobody wants to be lonely. Nobody wants to cry. My body's longing to hold
you. So bad, it hurts inside. Time is precious and it's slipping away. And I've been
waiting for you all of my life. Nobody wants to be lonely. So why, why don't you
let me love you ? '

End of part 1.............